Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The gatekeeper



The Fade.
Lirya looked around, recognizing the place at the very moment she opened the eyes. Actually, she didn’t even need to look at it. The fact that she had recovered her memories was enough to tell her she was dreaming.
They said only mages could visit the Fade in dreams and be aware that they were dreaming. There was even a name for them, “Somniari”. But she knew that was not true. At least not for her, though of course magic was involved. Since lyrium had been infused in her body, she could travel the Fade like the realm of the living too.
It was no blessing, though. Even if recovering her memories meant she remembered her beloved son, all the terrible memories of her past were there too, and she knew she was happier without them, awaken. Sometimes she wondered if her amnesia was caused by the Lyrium, or her mind was wiser enough to block the torture, the pain and the humiliation when she was awaken.
Even remembering Kyle was painful; because that made her aware of his sorrow and the way he missed his mother. That was the reason she left, and even if she took that decision awakened, her asleep self approved. Even not remembering having loved that boy the way a mother does, her heart ached when she saw him looking at her like a lost puppy, longing for a sparkle of recognition in her eyes… a recognition which never would come back.
So now she just watched him and his wife from afar in her dreams, happy to see her little baby having turned into such an awesome, brave and generous man. She knew he could feel her in his dreams too, and that had to be enough.


She walked slowly. Distances in Fade had no meaning, so she really walked out of habit, to do something, to trick her mind into being in a real place. The magic realm allowed her to feel the minds of many people, but the person she was looking for kept hidden from her touch. She was aware she wasn’t dead, but somehow she couldn’t grasp her sparkle, and she suspected it was because the woman was under some kind of magical protection.
So when she saw the figure standing almost in front of her, she wasn’t surprised. Nor scared. Though she stepped back a bit. One never knew when a demon was going to try to trick you, in the Fade.
“Who are you?” she asked.
The figure smiled at her. It was a warm, honest smile. Lirya tilted her head. Those were the most dangerous of all.
“You don’t know me, but I’ve been watching you”, he said. “Since the time you got stuck in the Fade… in that torture room”. He was, or had been, a male human, in his early 20s it seemed. Average height, blond, curly hair, and bright blue eyes, with premature wrinkles around them which showed it was a natural cheery person. The eyes, though, were sad. Lirya sighed. The spirit of a dead person. The Fade had a good amount of these… People who were lost, who didn’t know they were dead, or, in the worst of cases, which had departed leaving something unfinished, and needed to do it before they could take their next step.
“Why you watched me?” she asked. “You don’t need me. You must go ahead. Leave the Fade behind. Lucky you, you can do it”
The young man smiled. “I don’t need your guide. But you may need mine”
Lirya frowned. “What do you know about me?”. She didn’t want to lower her ward. It could still be a demon. Then she raised a brow. Blonde hair. Arrogant smile. When she left, her son used to hang around with a blonde guy… He was only thirteen that time… but if he had grown up to become a man, he could very well have grown up to look like the one standing in front of her. "I think… I have met you before?"
He only nodded. She shook her head, confused. Finally the name came to her mind. Seth. Seth Hammond. "You… are a spirit?".
"As you are in the fade", he said. Then he added. “But unlike you, I don’t belong to the living ones anymore, if that’s what you mean”
So he was dead. Poor Kyle had lost his closest friend too. Lirya’s heart ached a bit more. "And why have you stayed here?"
"My duty. It seems being dead doesn’t mean I can move on like others do to the Golden City"
"You have a pending task?" she asked.
The young man lips curved in a sad smile. “No. But you have”.
Lirya blinked. “I do. But why should you get involved?”
"Oh, they asked me to do it!"
"They? Who?"
"A higher authority… I can't say more". Seth smiled again, and Lirya knew she wouldn’t get another word from him.

I wish we could have made a stop at home on our way back to the fade portal in the marshes, but everybody seems to be in a hurry and the most I can get is a night in an inn close to the Dalish campsite, since there’s no time to get a detour to Highever.
It will have to do, I think while I rest my head on Kyle’s shoulder. At least we have a real bed, and we could have a quick bath, and Ryan and Tahl are sleeping in different rooms. And Kyle is playful as always, and the thought that for a moment we almost lose each other always adds a feeling of urge to our passion which spices it up. So I can’t complain.
“So we can now close that damn gate?” I say, dreamy eyes, while Kyle strokes my hair.
“I hope so”, he says. “We have Berrygold’s orb piece, and the Medal of The Champion of Highever, which contains another piece. It’s not much, but it will have to do”
I nod, then I turn and kiss softly his nose. “So the orb is not complete? I thought it had been shattered into two pieces”
He shakes his head. “No. It was six pieces. We have found two, and Ryan thinks he can find another pair… The others… nobody knows”
“But we’re going to close the gate only with two” I say softly. “Will that be enough?”
“It will have to” he says, nuzzling my earlobe. It is clear he doesn’t want to continue speaking about it, and he has managed to make my mind go away again, so I welcome his attentions willingly.

So this is the marsh again. Feels creepier than the first time. I look around, and shiver. My hand looks for Kyle’s, but he’s not there. I’m alone, and I know it is the right thing.
I walk ahead. I know the portal, the gate to the fade I opened, is right there in front of me, and suddenly the idea of closing it sounds stupid. Why close it? I need to cross it. To go to the other side. A part of me knows it is there where I belong.
And then I hear a roar. I freeze for a moment, move my ears trying to find where it comes from. Not behind, as I hoped. It doesn’t give me a reason to run towards the gate, but that’s what I want to do… so I run, trying to reach it before the beast who has roared reaches me…
But it is too late. A huge white wolf jumps in front of me, just when I’m almost there… almost there… I stop and stare, but the wolf shows its fangs, and prepares to jump and rip my throat.
I wake up suddenly, sweating and shivering. A nightmare. And now that I’m awaken, I realize I’m more scared at the idea that I wanted to cross the gate than at the wolf in front of me.
It is still night. I turn to see if Kyle is by my side, and I sigh of relief when I see he is. No training tonight, or maybe he already came back. He takes care to get me tired enough so I don’t notice when he gets up in the middle of the night, even if I still don’t like this habit. Oh well, I bet there are thousands of things he doesn’t like of me, and he copes with them. That’s how relationships work, don’t they?
I take a deep breath and I’m about to turn back again to continue sleeping, when I hear him sobbing faintly. I raise my head and look at his face closely. There’s a single tear down his cheek, and his lips whisper “Mom…”. I sigh again, saddened. Who knows where Lyria is now, but at least she visits him in his dreams. I lean over him and wipe the tear with a kiss, then I feel his eyelid flutter and he opens his eyes to stare at me.
“I’m sorry” I whisper. “I didn’t want to wake you up”
He raises his head and pecks my lips softly. “Don’t worry. I…was dreaming”
I nod. “Lirya, isn’t it?”
He nods too.
“It probably wasn’t a dream”, I say trying to comfort him. “It is her way to tell you she still cares for you”. Since she disappeared, I add to myself. Though she could tell us where she is, so we could help her. Even if she wasn’t his mom for blood, I know where Kyle took his stubbornness from.
“She… she was saying something about the gate. She knows”, Kyle says. I frown. A memory crosses my mind like a shadow. Better not telling him my dream.
 “What did she tell to you?” I ask. He tries to remember.
“I can’t recall much. Something about not being enough…What do you think she meant?”
I shrug. I have no idea, I must confess.
He turns and hugs me tight. No words, no explanations. Just comfort.
“We will find her again” I say, returning the hug. “You’ll see. We found her once, we will do it again”
He sobs. “I saw Seth too”, he says suddenly, and for a moment I don’t know what to do. So I just continue hugging him, unable to take his sorrow away.

 Art by Savvid

The following day we don’t delay our departure to the gloomy marsh where the haunted wooden house in which Evelyn and I were kept prisoners had stood. There’s no trace of the home now, but a green glow shines in the middle of the water and we can feel the urge of strange creatures at the other side trying to get out, to invade of world. If I, that I have no magic powers, can feel that so intensely, I really can understand why Ryan feels so compelled to lock that gate. I shiver, and look for Kyle’s hand, like in my dream. This time he’s there, grabs it, and squeezes it softly. But this time I don’t hold his hand out of fear, or apprehension, as he probably thinks. No. I’m scared of my dream… and I fear, yes, but what I fear is to be attracted again to that gate. Because I don’t want to.
Ryan swallows, looks at the green spot with concern in his bright blue eyes, and I know he’s scared of the responsibility he holds. He takes a package from his pocket, unwraps it and we can see a golden medal which shines with a bluish glow. He sighs and looks at Tahl. The elf nods and gives him the crystal she has been keeping since we were in Berrygold’s tomb. I must admit I was too coward to keep it, but Tahl seemed more confident. Maybe she had no wishes to ask, so she didn’t fear that tricky thing to get into her body the way it invaded our poor ancestor’s flesh. As long as I’m concerned, I don’t want to tempt my fate.
Ryan takes the pieces and puts them together in a bowl. I watch him concentrating, until his face becomes red, but somehow nothing happens. Kyle and I exchange a glance, and Tahl snorts. Ryan rubs his forehead.
“I don’t know what has happened… it is the first time…”
Before he finishes I giggle. “Stop it, Ryan. It sounds as if you were talking about something totally different”
Ryan turns at me with a smile, but before he can reply, the water around the greenish glow starts to boil and turn red. We stare at it, already knowing something is wrong, but even before we can prepare our weapons, the heads of those horrible rage demons I fear so much start to show up. Kyle tries to push me away while unsheathing his sword, but I’m already with my daggers in my hands and while Ryan prepares a spell and Tahl shoots her first arrow, I stand by my husband’s side prepared to give my life before they take his.
We fight hard and bravely, but the demons keep appearing and I know we are soon going to be overcome. I pull Kyle’s arm trying to withdraw to a safer place, but he’s not willing to leave, even if Ryan and Tahl are stepping back too.
A quick glance around me shows the problem is the gate. As long as it is opened, demons will continue appearing through it, and they will defeat us out of exhaustion. I look at Ryan, almost begging.
“Can’t you try that spell again? We will protect you”
“There are not enough pieces”, he replies, concerned. “I was too optimistic… I though two pieces of the orb would hold the gate”.
“And now we’re going to die” Tahl mutters. “How appropriate”
But while we walk backwards, we realize the demons attention is now focused elsewhere.
Two figures come out from the gate, A man and a woman, half transparent… Spirits in the Fade. And I recognize her.
It’s Lirya.
Kyle’s jaw drop back looking at the man, though, and I wonder who he is. He reminds me a bit of Caleb, one of the newest guys at the Mabari. But he’s blonder. And younger.
And dead.
“Seth” Kyle mumbles. “Why?”
“You can see him?” I ask. I thought his amulet would avoid it, but the bond between both friends is too strong, it seems. Ryan and Tahl also stare. They both knew Seth when he was alive, and I somehow feel excluded again.
The spiritual couple is herding the demons as if they were sheep, but it seems it is not over. Lirya stays at the gate, frowning and making gestures, but the gate still trembles and moves. Seth approaches to us, with a ladykiller smirk. It is creepy, considering he has been dead for thirteen… fourteen years now.
“Kyle… Ryan…”, he says, looking at them… “And I take this is the blonde beauty I met in Antiva? You grew up well, little Tahl”, he starts. I swallow. And then he turns to me and I see the landscape behind his eyes and I don’t run away because I’m frozen in the place. “And you’re the one” he says with a smile. “The one who brought him back to life, when his only goal was revenge”. He raises a hand, and sees me tremble. “You’re scared… you shouldn’t. I’m not your enemy. I just came here to help”
“You’re dead” I just manage to mumble. He chuckles.
“Good observation. Which makes me a better target for those demons than you”, he adds cheerful.
Lirya grunts. “Stop the chatter. We need to close this gate. My magic is not strong enough”
Ryan steps ahead. “I can try to…”, but Lirya shakes her head. “Not enough, not enough… You need something more…”
“More!” Kyle blinks. “But what?”
“The other pieces of the orb?” I try to guess, but Lirya denies. “No time. The key. There should be a key…”
And suddenly I understand. “The ring!!!”. Kyle and Ryan look at me, and I rush to explain. “There was a ring… Nada kept it safe, but I found it and tried to destroy it… When I did, the place collapsed and the gate got open… Was that the key?” I ask to Lirya.
Lirya nods. She seems to have finished with the gate, but she stays close. I wonder if she’s dead or alive. What we’re seeing there is not her. It’s her spirit. And that creeps me out. Kyle walks towards her.
“Mom…” he starts. Lirya smiles sad.
“Go my child. Find that ring. With the pieces of the orb and the ring, I’m sure Ryan and I can do something.
“Where are you?” he insists. “Are you alive?”
She nods. “I’m dreaming, my child. That’s the only way I can help you. And thank you for helping me get out of the embrace of lyrium”.
I take Kyle’s hand and pull him away before we both end up crying. “We have a ring to find, love”. I don’t want to sound worried.
But I am.
I have no idea where to start the search.


Last time I saw the ring, it was falling amongst some bushes, near the now collapsed house where Evelyn and me had been kept prisoners of the crazy mage. Taking it out the home definitely destroyed it, but I guess the ring kept its powers somehow. Maybe someone able to feel magic could find it better than me?
I guide the group to what I think are the right place.
“I think it was… here” I point at some bushes. “But… it also could have been there… or there…” Damn it. There are bushes everywhere. “Can you feel it somehow, Ryan?” I ask.
“Isn’t your looting sense tingling?” Tahl teases me, but I ignore her, and continue looking at Ryan waiting for a reply. Ryan sighs
“I feel like Nero. Maybe I should fall on four legs and start sniffing?”
Kyle elbows him, but we really feel helpless. Finally I move and start looking between the bushes. I was the only one here who saw the ring, and the only one who knows how small, how insignificant it was… how difficult it will be to find it in the mood.
After searching in three sets of bushes, and tempted to give up, I suddenly feel something around my wrist. When I look down I see a ghostly hand grabbing my arm and I try to withdraw, releasing a short scream. Kyle rushes to help.
“What happens?”
When he approaches, the hand releases me and disappears, and I fall sitting on the ground.
And then I see it.
A sparkle. Something metallic.
Ignoring the fear to feel that creepy hand grabbing mine, I reach for it and… yeah! The tiny, smashed silver ring. I show it triumphal to my friends.
“Got it!!! What now?”
Ryan rushes to take it and for a moment I’m tempted not to give him, and I really don’t know where that feeling came from… After all he’s got the orb pieces, why should he ask more?. Then I shake my head.
“That damn portal is putting strange ideas in my mind” I say. “Take it, please, before I do something weird”, and give the ring to him. Ryan examines it, confused.
“This was probably a seal of some kind… But I’m not sure how can we use it”, he ponders. And if he says anything else, I don’t hear it. My eyes get focused on the portal, and a voice in my head tells me there’s something I really want inside. A part of my soul, maybe. A wish coming true.
I give a step ahead, then another. By the corner of the eye I feel some movement, fuss, Ryan and Kyle trying to stop me, maybe the voice of Tahl… I’m not sure. The portal calls me, and I’m replying to the call.
And then the white wolf steps in the middle.
It makes me hesitate enough to allow Kyle to hug me, and then I realize it is not a wolf. It is Lirya.
Like in my dream.
I shake my head, and I see both Seth and Lirya blocking the door, while Kyle hugs me and kisses my forehead. “Mari, Mari! What happens? Come to yourself, my love!”
I hug him back. “I… I don’t know… The portal called me… Like in my dreams…”
Lirya walks towards Ryan and takes the ring.
“This portal is too powerful. It was created when the spell to tie both of you went wrong, and it is still somehow related to you, Mari. We need to control it, if we can’t close it”. She looks at Seth, and he nods. Then, she slides the ring in one of her spiritual fingers. The ring is too small for real fingers, but the ghostly shape of hers fits the silver piece as if it was made for her.
And then she says the words that break Kyle’s world again.
“I have to stay to keep this gate closed”
I swear I can feel his hear breaking in pieces as if it were glass.
“Mother!” he says. “No!! You… you can’t stay like this forever!!”
Ryan nods. “Your mortal body will die if you don’t return”, he agrees. “Can’t Seth do it?”
Lirya denies. “Seth has to return to the Golden City. His time here is over. And… he’s got no magic powers. I can shape the dreams… and this gate is a dream itself. It’s my duty. To become the gatekeeper”.
Kyle’s eyes are full of tears, and he doesn’t mind it. He may be a grown up man, a big big shem, but it’s his mother, the one he lost when he was thirteen… and in front of her, he’ll always be a lost child. I grab his arm, and lean my face against it, trying to offer him some comfort, but I know it is useless.
“Mother… I can’t lose you again. Not again, please” he begs.
Lirya steps a bit towards her son, and strokes his face.
“Kyle. You’re not losing me… I will always be in your dreams”
He shakes his head. I know he wants to shout “NO!”, but he has no voice anymore. Lirya then smiles tenderly and kisses his forehead.
“My son. There’s another reason I belong here. Here, I can remember you”
And with those words, I can see her shape fading slowly, at the same time the door loses its power.
Kyle falls on his knees, and I know I can’t do anything, except waiting until his pain eases.
But we all know this is the best for her. Her body was already a hollow husk. She was not herself there. At the gate, she’ll live forever.
She’ll remember forever.

We’re back in Denerim. Kyle has been trying to find Lirya’s body, of course, but he doesn’t even know where to start. Personally, I think she doesn’t want to be found. If she was, we would try to wake her up, and that would cause her to abandon the gate. Or keep her body alive. So she’s hiding.
If this Denerim looks strange, we don’t notice. I don’t even realize that when we went to bed, we were still in Highever. But when we see the white wolf, I look at Kyle and say a single word.
“Lirya”
He nods, and we both follow the wolf. It is running, but we have no problem to keep its pace. It leads us to the outskirts, and to a small hut. It stops, panting on the door, and when we approaches, it disappears, as if it had never been there.
When Kyle opens the door, we both know what we’re going to find there.
Lirya’s lying on a bed, her hands crossed over her chest, her expression peaceful. Her hair is white again, like the wolf’s mane, and I wonder if it is just an image she’s sending to us or she really stopped dyeing it in real life too. It doesn’t make her look old, though. Moreover the opposite. Like a small child. Still asleep. Still dreaming, because that’s what she is doing.
“The wolf has shown us the way” I mumble. I’m aware now this is another dream, but the meaning is clear. There’s no need to hide anymore.
Her body has stopped waiting for her spirit to come back.
Kyle walks towards her and kisses her forehead, silent tears running down his cheeks. But that’s not her anymore.
Her real self, the one which perdures, is behind him. She’s not gone. She’s here. And she will never leave him. I can see it. Can’t he feel her arms around him?. Like saying "Silly son of mine, what would you do without me?"

He didn’t even wait for the sun to show up. As soon as he woke up, he jumped out of bed and I had it hard to follow him. Even if the dream was more a “Come to give my remains a proper burial” than a goodbye, because she would still be in our dreams, he didn’t want to lose a moment to go and pay his respects to her. And I think nobody has made the road from Highever to Denerim in such a short time.
The hut looks exactly like in our dream, except that there are no wolves guiding us this time. I am left a bit behind, because even if I don’t like them, someone has to tie the horses, so I’m not by his side when he opens the door.
I rush, though, and when I enter the dark room, I see him kneeling by Lirya’s body.
Everything looks like in our dream. The bed, her shape with her hands crossed over her breasts, the white hair, the tiny ring in one of her fingers… I walk forward to touch Kyle’s shoulder, trying to comfort him, when I realize something.
Her chest.
It still moves, up and down, so softly we wouldn’t have noticed. Her body has not given up yet.
And Kyle notices too, and he grins, and gets up to kiss her face, her eyes, everything… until Lirya opens her eyes and just mumbles.
“How long have I been sleeping? I’m… so hungry…”
And Kyle’s laughter mixes with his sobbing, out of words, while he hugs her.
We know the ring will still drag her to keep that portal during the nights. But we’ll make sure she wakes up in the morning… and that she will continue. Alive. By our side.

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